Stop staring.

You sit there, pretending to ignore me, but I can hear what you're thinking. "Oooh, looka me-- I'm too special to ride. Ooohh, apparently I'm just meant to catch dust-- wouldn't want to get me dirty out there on the actual ROAD."

You act all snotty and disengaged, but I know what's in your heart. You're calling me out, sister. With every pass I make, to the bathroom, back to the kitchen (just you nevermind what I'm eating!)-- anytime I'm in the same room with you even for a SECOND you practically scream, "WHEN FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD WILL YOU TAKE ME OUT?!"

The sad answer is, I don't know, Blue. I do not know. Maybe tomorrow. Probably Sunday. But whenever it is, just know this: When we finally hit that long stretch of highway, I will be sorry, baby; sorry beyond belief that it took so freakin' long to get my ass back out there. I'll be sorry for you. Sorry for me. Oh, GAWD, will I be sorry for me. Doesn't matter. Apologies mean nothing; you'll still punish me anyway.

NOTE TO SELF: Regardless of how busy you SAY you are, what counts is that you find the time to get your ass in the seat and the bike on the road. Cuz now that ass is going to be the proverbial grass.

Something you should know about your daughter

First published in May, 2004, the Her Life Depends On It report, "is a comprehensive compendium of research that points to physical activity and sport as fundamental solutions for many of the serious health and social problems faced by American girls."

From the report's executive summary:

"Obesity: In 1970, only one out of every 21 girls was obese or overweight; today that figure is one in six.
--(National Center for Health Statistics, 2002)"

"Tobacco Use: In grades 9-12, 29.5% of female students report current tobacco use (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2002)."

"Female athletes on one or two school or community sports teams were significantly less likely to smoke regularly than female non-athletes. Girls on three or more teams were even less likely to smoke regularly (Melnick et al, 2001)."


"Illicit Drug Use: Thirty-eight percent of 12th-grade girls and 18% of eighth-grade girls have used an illicit drug at least once during the past year (Johnston, O’Malley and Bachman 2002)."

"Two nationwide studies found that female school or community athletes were significantly less likely to use marijuana, cocaine or most other illicit drugs, although they were no less likely to use crack or inhalants. This protective effect of sports was especially true for white girls (Miller et al, 2000; Pate et al, 2000)."

"Sexual Risk: About 1/4 of sexually active adolescents are infected with a sexually transmitted disease each year (Kirby, 2001)."

"Female athletes are less likely to be sexually active, in part because they tend to be more concerned about getting pregnant than female non-athletes (Dodge & Jaccard, 2002)."

"Depression: By age 15, girls are twice as likely as boys to have experienced a major depressive episode. This gender gap continues for the next 35 to 40 years, until menopause (Cyranowski et al, 2000)."

"Women and girls who participate in regular exercise suffer lower rates of depression (Nicoloff and Schwenk, 1995; Page and Tucker, 1994)"

Ultra anyone?

Last month's Outside Magazine covered the ongoing publicity battle between unltrarunners Peg Reed and Dean Karnazes. For a vast majority of people (at least, those who hadn't seen the Dateline piece), this was an introduction to the little-known sport of ultramarathoning.

Defined by grueling distances and sometimes extreme conditions (the Badwater Ultramarathon leaps to mind-- a 135-mile race from the salt flats of Death Valley to a finish line that lies halfway up Mount Whitney), ultramarathoners prepare by keeping up with a constant training schedule that borders on the insane. Reed, for example, runs a marathon or more a day; she just breaks it up into 5 mile chunks between shuttling children to school and after-school activities. Karnazes is an early riser, covering half of San Francisco and finding himself well into Marin by dawn.

Truth be told, the thought of running a hundred-plus miles could not appeal to me less. In fact, the thought of running ten miles addles my already-overwrought brain. And yet, before I question another athlete's motives, I take pause and consider what does appeal to me. Cycling a hundred miles? Over and over? Day after day? Oddly, I am intrigued.

We all take on sports for different reasons, but in the end, what keeps many of us connected is the challenge: some perceived, intangible, self-defined goal. Once it is achieved, once the goal is realized and becomes tangible, those that are serious about their sport-- or, perhaps, delusional-- extend the goal. Thus begins the insanity.

I am reminded of that Robin Williams bit where he is pretending to be a dictator, draws an imaginary line a few feet in front of himself, saying, "This is the line of death! Cross this line and you die!" Noting his foe, Williams pauses nervously, and takes a large step backward and redraws the line closer to himself. "No, NO--THIS," he declares,"THIS is the line of death. Cross THIS line and you die!" And so goes the bit.

And so, I imagine, goes ultramarathoning, and yes, ultracyling, and until recently, being a Red Sox fan.

Being a total badass just got easier

You just rode the most amazing route, it was beautiful and you pushed yourself further than you've ever gone before. You think it must be at least twice the distance of your normal route... maybe a little less. Maybe! You just don't know! You want to just say it was twice your normal route, but that niggling little voice in your head is driving you batty, making you fear you're deluding yourself. So what do you do?

You could drive the route. Waste gas. Spend unneccesary energy and time figuring out this one little nubbin of knowledge for your own edification...

OR...

GO TO the gmaps pedometer!!! This incredible little application was made specifically for that very question-- how far did I push it?

Using the Google maps API software and satellite technology, this map gives you the answers you crave all the way down to the nth degree.

Go, badass, on your merry way and be free to brag unfettered!

SF-LA AIDS Ride-- SPONSOR ME!

I did it! I registered! Now sponsor me!

Target date

Made a decision last week that I am very excited about. I'm going to do the SF-LA AIDS ride. Decided last year I wanted to give it a shot. I'm doing it. And I just might get myself a snappy little shirt as well.

It's a huge challenge. 585 miles, seven days, $2,500 in fundraising. Like anything, I can always deselect. But if I center my mind on the goal, and move forward like it's a foregone conclusion, it will happen.

Something to look forward to.

Something to plan for.

Something to train for.

AIDS ride. Done deal.

Slap my ass and color me embarrassed

I'm wrong.

That's all I have to say, I'm wrong, so get over it.

Apparently, eating a meal before bedtime does not predispose one to weight gain. WHAAA??

'Tis true. According to Outside Magazine's Fitness Q&A,

"Scientific research shows that it isn't when you take your calories in but rather how many you take in, that affects weight. So, while many people think that calories eaten before bedtime are somehow more damaging to weight management than calories eaten at other times of the day, that really isn't true. What is true is that people often overeat in the evening (i.e. mindlessly munching while watching television) or choose unhealthy snacks at night (a lot of people find it easier to binge on potato chips at night rather than for breakfast), both of which can lead to weight gain."

Go kick your own arse

So you've been working out, and maybe you're feeling ready to take on an Ironman. Or, like me, maybe a 5K is more your style. Whatever size your goal, one of my favorite sites, active.com, has a listing of just about every event there is out there.

Want to ride a century in Colorado? You'll find it there.

Live in California but dying to run a 5K while visiting a friend in Florida? active.com can help you out.

Maybe you just want to find out about little league sign ups for your junior monkey.
Check active.com.

As partners with ESPN, this site lists just about every sport in your area, and every other sport in any other area, and then some. I sat down last week and planned out my year. That's right-- YEAR. I found listings as far out as next September, so no more excuses about not knowing of an event in time.

Get detailed events listings including maps, directions, Web site links and-- best of all-- register right online for your events.

The active.com site kicks arse, so you can go and kick a few others.

Millerton Loop

The Millerton Loop is a nice, intermediate ride out Friant Rd., past the dam, over to Auberry, and back on down to Copper. There are a couple hard climbs, but not show-stoppers. However, were on a heavier bike, they most certainly would have been. And that is the thing that amazed me: I loved the ride. It was beautiful and a blast, but I couldn't imagine being out there on a heavier bike. And yet, there they were-- the die-hards pounding their way through on mountain bikes.

It was my first big ride on Blue; she's been a commuter bike until now, and made one appearance in a tri last weekend. I was excited to get her out there. I didn't quite realize how much practice I needed at shifting.

The trick, as I was told yet subsequently didn't pay enough attention to, is not to shift to the lowest gear on the front and the highest gear on the back; the chain is pulled in a diagonal and it makes no logical sense to do it. Plus, it'll de-chain you.

Yeah, that happened. It was plain ignorance on my part. I couldn't remember how many clicks moved what where, and the next thing I knew, I was spinning a whole lotta nothin'. It wasn't a big deal getting the chain back in place-- really simple, actually-- but not a fun diversion when you're kicking arse in the Tour de France in your mind.

Advice: Go early; it seems the traffic picks up right around 10, and those roads are famous for ridiculous drivers. Also, bring along plenty of fluid (I had two bottles with me)-- you'll go through them. And I snorked down a gel pack about half-way through. Great boost.

Swimming help

I can't swim.

I have participated in two triathlons so far, and I am just about the slowest swimmer in the bunch. I breast stroke, which is great, but I really should learn how to free-style, because it would save me a vertiable TON of time in the water. My problem is the whole kick-kick-kick thing. You gotta flipperize your feet to swim the free-style, and I fear that it is way more exhausting than the breast stroke.

Plus I am horrendously uncoordinated, and I can't seem to do the arms and the feet all at the same time.

But it has to be done. It's a must. If I want to continue this triathloning business, I can't breast stroke my way through each time.

Free-style: Top of my to-do list.