New Year's Top Ten

I've been thinking a lot about my New Year's Resolution this year. Like most of the rest of the planet, annually I vow to change some aspect of my life for the better. One year it was complaining. I wanted to reduce how much I bitched about everything. Clearly you can all tell how well THAT one went. Some years involved exercising-- dedication to starting-- or dieting-- or giving up swear (feck that)-- or generally trying to be a better person. That last one worked out well for me, because "better" is entirely subjective.

So far as progress is concerned, the landscape looks like this: I make goof-ups by the end of the first week, but maintain a strong attitude; I develop a convenient memory and strong rationalizing skills by mid-January; and by February, all bets are off.

Or, mostly off.

In recent years, I've taken to making seasonal Top Ten lists. These I like. They are manageable. They are defined. THEY HAVE A REASONABLE DEADLINE.

Hence, instead of my New Year's Resolution-- I extend to you, gentle reader, my

NEW YEAR'S TOP TEN LIST

1) Buy local more. I've been actively trying to make a dent in the world's global situation in my small, fist shaking-screaming -into-the-wind way by paying attention to where my goods come from. I'm not yet a locavore--which I think is incredibly cool-- only because I slightly digress in my opinionry. And also I am sometimes too cheap.

My attitude: If what I am purchasing-- say, cheese, or vegetables--is not from very nearby, then I work concentrically outward. If the package says "California"-- my home state-- I'm cool with that. If I need something and the only available product is from the western states-- I can rationalize.

Where I differ from locavores is that I emotionally can't jump to buying something from a Vermont family farm if there is a similar product made by a larger producer based closer to home. It's the "How much diesel was used to ship that to me" gig. Living in one of the worst air-quality regions of the U.S., I find it part of my responsibility to not feed into that problem for others. I no longer buy produce from Chile, for example.

However, there is that whole, large-producers-ship-larger-quantities-more-often thing, which stabs my myopic view of buying local right in the eye.

I'll work it out.

That said-- I want to extend my local-leanings to non-food products as well. Like clothes. And toys. This will be tough, because I am a gadget geek and beyond Mac, what is there from California? And I have SIX kids, which means EVERYTHING comes from Target which also means EVERYTHING is made in China.

So I'm going to try. Consistently trying and failing is so much better than not caring at all. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

2) Eat HEALTHFULLY more. This nubbin goes hand in hand with number one; if it ain't local, it should be organic. And not produced by someone who also produced chemicals. Like buying seeds by a Monsanto subsidiary.

Point: My mom is in the process of reading Barbara Kingsolver's latest book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and was telling me some of the many interesting points Kingsolver makes. One being that food produced by certain growers is non-organic. Clear on that. Food grown there uses fertilizers. Check. Some food is grown for seed, so others can grow their own plants. And seeds used from those plants that had fertilizers on them, have fertilizers already in them. So even if you decide to grow your own organic garden, all yummy and protected and natural, and use the wrong seeds, you're SOL.

Beyond wanting to read that book, I want to eat better foods-- yes-- but more importantly FEED MY CHILDREN better foods. And teach them all better eating habits, so they know what is and what isn't really good for them.

3) Feed my brain more. Figuratively. I want to refresh my understanding of Spanish, because I once could almost nearly speak it conversationally maybe but not quite. And I want to learn French. Or enough to read a menu and ask where the restrooms are.

I love Guitar Hero-- seriously, what non-human doesn't??-- but I want to really learn how to play an actual one, and have for the last -oh-my-frigging-GAWD-has-it-really-been- twenty-three years. So I'm just going to do it. BAM.

4) Do physical activities with my kids more. I want to go cycling with them and hiking and skiing-- YES, wonderful skiing. This is the year to introduce Sydney to skiing. I want to run local 2K (or maybe 5K, but NEVER A 10!) races with them and take them surfing. I want to go camping with them and swimming-- I want them to appreciate the last vestiges of the amazing world around us before it all melts, burns and floods away.

5) Write more. See? Already doing it.

6) Read More. I had been steadily reading a book, sometimes two, per week for the last several years. I've slowed. I enjoy my inner fantasy life. Time to get back to it. TIme to get over the end of the Harry Potter series.

7) Love more. It has been increasingly common for me in recent years to pull away from those I've loved and cared about. I get lazy with communication, or choked with resentment, or filled with anger.

It is far too easy for me to cease caring about the world outside my own little one because I hate what BushCo. has done to our ocuntry. Because I am embarrassed sometimes to be an American. Because we spew so much hypocrisy around the globe.

I rather like living a hidden existence, letting my bile rise up until I am so bloated with rage I explode into my partner's sweet face as he tries to comprehend what the hell I'm venting about now.

Gotta give up the anger. Gotta forgive more. Gotta let myself be nice to myself. Simply, gotta love more. Literally and figuratively.

8) Focus on QUALITY time with all the important people in my life, including my pups, more. Call it paying attention. Caring to pay attention. Taking the time to pay QUALITY attention instead of "uh,huh"ing my way through life. And though I love them dearly and have become over time a better owner to my pups than I ever really understood that to be (thank you, Susan)-- I need to spend even more time with them. Because just that bit of time at the end of the day... that doesn't feel like enough.

9) Participate in the world more. I just want to. I would like a more active social life, which, really is to say that I'd like to have one beyond that of my kids. Just a bit.

... and finally, one of the most important things that changes the flavor of life-- as well as the direction of this manifesto-- entirely:

10) Be LESS consumerist. I don't need everything. Neither do my kids. I can do more with less, and I want to choose to do more, with less.

3-MONTH REVIEW: March 31, 2008

6-MONTH REVIEW: June 20, 2008

DEADLINE: December 31, 2008

Happy New Year.

Bummer of a picture, dude

Seriously. You're all stoked that you performed really well in a sport, and the local paper shows up and snaps your moment of glory, and it appears in print and online for all of posterity.

And this is your shining moment: Someone's butt on your head while you wonder, curiously, what that vrrrrp noise you just heard was.

Totally wants me

I got another e-mail from Al today. You know, Al Gore.

Yeah. I just got a note from him telling me of his great news- that he won the Nobel Prize. Seriously! I know, I'm totally stoked for him. It's a prize, you know? Prizes are, like, good. I mean, you probably didn't know yet because he didn't e-mail you personally like he did me. So don't feel bad. It's just that he's pretty private. He doesn't share a lot about himself with other people. He's just not a real people person.

But he and I--we're tight like that.

He tells me all kinds of things. Stuff he's working on. Places he's going. Places he's been. He talks a lot about the Earth and global warming, but you guys, seriously and I'm not even kidding-- the subtext is always so strong.

The guy wants me.

Gawd it's so obvious. I mean, like, you know how when a guy writes to you out of the blue and he's all, "ME ME ME" and like, "Oh, I'm single handedly saving the world" and like "Oh, we're the only industrialized nation besides China who didn't sign Kyoto" and like "Oh, I won the Nobel Prize," you KNOW the guy must like you.

Take today's note. It starts out all, "I would like to share with you..." I KNOW!! SERIOUSLY!! I mean, that is so intense! SHARE. So personal. He could have said, "I want to tell you this super important thing" or whatever, but he didn't. He said SHARE. That means something, right? It so does.

It screams I WANT YOU.

And it's cool and all, but it's also kind of sad. I really, really think he's been damaged in his past, like emotionally, because he drops all these hints, you know, like the wanting to SHARE with me thing, but then he doesn't talk a whole lot about personal stuff. Like when I told him about my mom's cancer? Not a peep. Not even a response to my six and a half page e-mail detailing her surgery and her drains and the chemo and stuff. I didn't even mention the hair part. I just think he's so emotionally damaged like from his past, that it was too hard for him to bear. I mean because his sister died of cancer. Or something. I think.

Anyway, the guy totally wants me. You can tell by the way he almost always mentions his wife. Like "Tipper and I want to thank so and so," or "Tipper and I went to blah blah blah." Duh. SOOOOO trying to make me jealous. It's so obvious. And THEN he asks for money for something to like cover up why he is writing and stuff. He might as well just be screaming "BE WITH ME." It's cute and all, but... truthfully? It's getting kind of annoying.

And I so totally have a boyfriend.

Anyway. Al told me he won the Nobel Prize. Thought I should pass it on in case you see him. Tell him congratulations or whatever. Apparently it's like some big deal.

It finally happened.

I have been overwhelmed-- underwhelmed?-- by a distinct lack of seasonal spirit since the arrival of the "holiday" decorations at my local Walgreen's the day before Halloween. Whatever hopes I had of celebrating the season all cheery and bright died before I even hit the streets with my kids to beg for candy the following night.

Receiving my first holiday card some two days later sealed off my feelings like a jar of poorly canned tomatoes. Anger seeped in and grew like botulism inside me, infecting every sense I had about the holidays.

There is no spark, no element of goodness nor sincerity left in this made for TV production that this season has now become.  It's like this year, they sucked the life out of it, tore out the core mythology (remember that cool fat guy in the red suit who gave stuff to people out of goodness??), added shlock, badly written ballads, covered it in cheap decorations and rereleased it as "Christmas 2: Now Made with Splenda." And like every other crappy sequel, we all bought tickets to this event because, in our BUY BUY BUY world, it's what's for sale.

And then... well... and then something happened. Something weird. To me.

It's not like I wanted to be bleak and black and angry. It's not like I wanted to be the dour alcoholic in the corner of the holiday party, insulting the food and telling all the guests to go to hell. So it's really no surprise that it happened, sucker punch that it was.

I baked cookies.

Good cookies.

GINGERBREAD cookies. Dozens and dozens of quite tasty, simple gingerbread cookies. And the kids and I decorated them, and proceeded to eat them with milk (or in my case, a glass of crisp Sonoma Chardonnay).

It was suddenly like seeing "Christmas: The Original" again. The old favorite, where all the gifts were handmade and people got into the spirit of the season AFTER Thanksgiving and one spent more time planning and thinking about what one wanted to give others out of the sheer JOY of giving, rather than the social expectation ("I wasn't planning on getting them anything but noooowww I HAVE to") of it all.

I felt it. That spark of "Let's be NICE to each other! Let's.... let's help the less fortunate! Let's be thankful for what we have, and show the Universe how very grateful we are for all the amazing things that we have." 

It was small-- like I said, just a spark-- but with the right kindling, I'm hoping to build on the embers and get them up to a stoke-able fire. I'm working it. And I'm hoping this groovy, for-the-good-of-mankind feeling stays, because the dour, doom-and-gloom Wednesday Adams gig just isn't right for right now.

I have gotta hope there are enough others out there like me, who want the old version of the season returned, and are working toward it, too.

By baking. And, I donno. Smiling. Being kind. And MEANING it.

Hermitage

Sometimes I think becoming a hermit woud be an awesome thing.

The upside:

Total solitude.

Living in nature.

The downside:

No showers.

Bad dental hygiene.

Bland food.

It could balance out. I draw the line at no pillow.