Sanctuary! Sanctuary! SANCTUARY!!

Seven o’clock a.m. I sit on my bed, my laptop before me. I attempt to cull my thoughts into some cohesive semblance of communication. I have things to say, and I want to say them. I want to be witty and evoke a connection through my writing, and my laptop-- like a good therapist-- waits for me to begin. I tap out a few words. We smile at each other, my laptop and I, smile in that knowing way of old girlfriends. I begin telling her a story—something silly that happened the other day-- and rapidly get caught up in the telling. Soon the screen and keyboard are lost to the vision unfolding in my mind’s eye. And as I paint the story in further detail, as I float deeper into my story’s journey-- WHAM! An explosion of sound and fury rips me from my netherworldGoodmorninghellohowareyoublahblahblah…

…in bursts the first child of my day-- let’s call her HappyPants-- fully intent on telling stories of her own design. Interrupting and oblivious of my intense laptop communion, HappyPants speaks to me outright about everything and nothing all at the same time. I stare at her, face frozen in a strained smile that poorly shrouds my roaring brain. My internal screaming becomes a barrier (OHMYGAWD STOP TALKING I’LL LOSE EVERTHING I WAS JUST ABOUT TO WRITE) as I try with all my might to care about the flippant conversation. I sense my beet red face and shallow, rapid breathing is giving me away. Eventually HappyPants finishes her morning monologue and exits. Leaving the door wide open.

My eye twitches.

I close it behind her.

I sit. I attempt to commune with the laptop once again. Where were we? Ahhh yes, dear friend, we were just about to-- ENTER Groggy Slowpoke in search of socks. In search of clean clothing. Do we have soap? Where do we keep the milk? Groggy trudges out again in a cloud of his own confusion, and is immediately followed by HappyPants and my Heterosexual Life Partner. My previous conversation with HappyPants replays before my eyes, and I watch HLP navigate the conversation much more adroitly than my previous attempt. HappyPants turns on the desktop computer and proceeds to print out school work while checking out MySpace. HLP is interested in continuing the conversation, but now HappyPants is lost in a digital world of her own. She has stopped talking.

Blessed silence. Three whole seconds worth.

The distractions resume. Enter Grumpy Mumbler, just waking up, wanting attention but not conversation. He flops down on the bed, causing a minor earthquake in my world. Mumbler is followed by Slowpoke, still on his quest for socks. To my left there is a loud slurp of coffee followed by a rumbling amongst all about what is read in the paper, about what is happening at school, about what time we are leaving, about that funny thing that happened in that movie—did it go like this? NO! Wait, it was like that and then hahaha…and suddenly a horrendous screeching, grinding noise fills the room.

The printer has jammed.

As the crew leaps forward to assess the problem, I sneak out with my laptop and hide in my inner sanctum.

Silence.

I smile at my friend and get back to my story. The details. The emotions. I snicker at my creativity. I get lost in my brilliance. We fly, we soar, we come to a crashing halt when someone pounds on the bathroom door.

“Mom? Are you in there?”

I close the laptop. I flush. In a home with six children, there is no sanctuary.