Dad watches

Dad watches
Originally uploaded by girlmonkey

Madeline puts the finishing touches on her make-up as dad, reflected in the mirror, watches his little girl from across the room.

mmmm...chocolate

mmmm...chocolate
Originally uploaded by girlmonkey

Hotter than the Monte Carlo fire

Tonight is Friday night, which is lady's night-- and the feeling's right. I am so close to my wild weekend I am OOOZING wickedness.

We only have 3 kids tonight. That's right baby-- 3 kids, one of whom hides out in his room editing movies, another who may or may not entertain himself with his DS, and the third is a high-maintenance toddler who might visit her electronic babysitter this evening (via "Mulan" or "Aladdin"). EASY STREET is laid out before me, like miles of... uhm... pavement. Really easy pavement.

First, I plan on coming home, stripping down, and rinsing the work/computer stink off my supple-yet-drooping body. Then, I have an old pair of leggings and a stained old t-shirt all clean and waiting for my sexy self to adorn. Finally, hair thrown up in a messy bun (men like buns), make-up free and glass of cheap wine in hand, I plan on ROCKING OUT the Rock Band, baby. And do the sexy dance.

HOT.



Monte Carlo | Rock Band | Friday

Kilptrick & Beatty had textual relations

The recent furor over the mayor of Chicago having relations with his chief of staff-- and both lying about it while under oath-- is generally one of those stories I would ignore. And when I say ignore, I mean it in the *search-it-out-on-Google, read-what-I-can, comment-on-it- with-friends-passing-mild-judgement-while-trying-to-cover-my-karma-tracks-qualifying-my-opinon* kind of way.

Except there's that one part that makes me cringe.

That one part that I can relate to so well it makes me blush.

I will admit, I am no saint. I, too, have had textual relations. And ohmyGAWD I think I would fall over and die if anyone OTHER than my intended read them, let alone have them subpoenaed and read in a court of law, to the media and in full and complete access of my mother.

Frankly I think what goes on between two consenting adult's mobile devices is between those two consenting adults and that the government, or one's children -- in a moment of "I'm helpful, let me read this message you just got on your phone" spontaneity-- should never interfere.

And I think any normal, healthy adult person who's had amazing, consensual adult monkey-text knows exactly what I mean.

Kwame Kilpatrick | Christine Beatty | text messages

Hilarious.

Blasphemy | humor | YMCA

Hairless

My web hosting company upgraded to a new content management system. They sent out notices that they were doing it. All was going to be seamless.

Except nothing I published appeared on my site.

*this is me, pulling out my hair, strand by strand*

Ooohhh, yeah.. Oops. Forgot to mention in the "Upgrade" e-mail that the server info was also changing.

A 48-minute hold time sent to me a foreign country's help desk, wherein my issue was resolved in less than 2 minutes. Verifying my account security took longer than the actual resolution to my issue.

*sigh*


upgrade | server | annoyed

MASTERCARD: Food for the Financially Foolish

Online banking revealed a nasty somn'-somn' last week: the budget is off.

Way off.

Being the stupid fool that I am, what do I do???

I bought ROCK BAND.

ch-ching, thank you Mastercard.

BEST. GAME. EVER.

Rock Band | Mastercard | xbox

Morning...

Some wonder how it is we get ready in the morning, what with six kids. Truthfully: It's almost the same, no matter how many monkeys we have at home on any given day.

I have been taking the early crew this week, which is comprised of my three kids-- all of whom must be in different places at varying times-- all across town.

As Trev needs to be at school by 8:00, the early crew must leave the house no later than 7:30, which means all 3 of my kids need to be out of bed by 6:45. Which means I need to be out of bed much, much, much sooner. Which means PIC, as the awesome a.m. coffee guy, readies my coffee IV at least 10 minutes before then.

This is a step-by-step guide to early-shift readiness in our household.

~~~
WAKE THE EARLY-SHIFT CHILDREN

Step 1: 6:37 a.m.

Me: Good morning Syd!

(Sydney, her sweet face upturned, she-- so tiny, in her four year-old sleep-- snorts.)

Me: (Ignoring her stinky breath from the snort, I plant little kisses on her softie, sweet cheeks.) Syddie, baby, time to start waking up.

Sydney: (Her sweet baby eyes flutter open, just before the room is filled with voice of Satan.) GO AWAAAYY!!

Me: Honey--
(Baby arms begin to flail as the tiny rattler sinks deeper into her covers. I back away.)

~~~~

Me: (calling from the door) Harry... honey... time to get moving...

(The huge rat's nest-like pile of covers doesn't move. At all.)

Harry?

(Lack of movement makes me question whether he has already retreated to the bathroom. Just as I decide this MUST be the case, I am startled by sudden movement deep within the pile. It stirs minutely, then explodes as lanky, startled arms and legs burst from the covers and a bushy, freaked-out head appears from exactly where I thought his belly was.)

Harry: Whha? Huh? yeah, yeah, I'm up, I'm up!! (Cofused Boy Wonder gazes unseeingly about, then flops back onto his pillow, as if yanked back into the depths of sleep by unseen forces.)

~~~

Me: Trevor?... Trev? (Pause. I gasp as wall of teenage-boy-room scent overtakes me. Taking breath of fresh air from hallway, I make second attempt.)

(speaking quickly, with limited air) Trev? Honey? Time to wake up.

Trevor: *grunt* (no visible movement)

(pause. I take another breath.)

Me: Trev?

Trevor: *series of grunts whose rhythm can be interpreted as, 'okay, okay, I will get in the shower.'*

I leave. I return ten minutes later and all 3 are in the same state if dis-awake.

Step 2: 7:00 a.m., REPEAT STEP 1

Step 3: 7:10 a.m., REPEAT STEP 1, THIS TIME WITH SERIOUS LOUD VOICE.
The children actually respond this time, in the same way that molasses responds when you shout at it.

morning | humor | motherhood